


The Letter

by SheaKing



Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheaKing/pseuds/SheaKing
Summary: Grace faces her fear and writes a letter.





	The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> This is goes out to sono-maria on Tumblr, who had this great idea. After talking about it, I couldn't get it out of my head. So I hope it does the idea, justice. Thank you for allowing me to write this.

_Frankie,_

_I hope this letter finds you well and that you have settled in. I want to apologize for not answering your calls but there is a reason behind it but right now I can't tell you why. I need to explain some things first. I need to be honest with you because I haven't been very honest with you, at all. I want you to remember that I'm not good at things like this. I never have been. You know me, you know me so well so hopefully you will understand why this is so difficult for me._

_I'm not doing so good. I know this now. I see it every morning when I get up after not sleeping very well. I hear it in my voice when I talk to the girls or your boys. Even Robert and Sol have noticed but I say I'm fine as always and just brush it off. Then I come home and this house is so quiet, too quiet. I never noticed how big and empty a space can become until you. It doesn't feel like I'm alone sometimes. Some times I think I see you out of the corner of my eye or if I wake up I'll hear your voice. I'm not going crazy, I promise. I just miss you. I miss you alot more than I thought I would. A lot more than I bargained for. The funny thing about it is I used to tell Robert that I missed him but honestly I never did. How do you miss someone who was never really there to begin with? That's how I know without a doubt that I really do miss you. I never felt this way with Robert. I've never felt this way with anyone other than you. I miss the smell of pot and paint. Tea tree oil and sage. I miss seeing paint smudges on the couch and coffee cups. I even miss your windchimes._

_I was a horrible person to you. I have always been so horrible to everyone. I thought that was what I was supposed to be. I thought that was what the world expected me to be. Robert used to say that I should have been an actress because I could play a part so well. Brianna telling me it was never uncondiotnal love I gave and Mallory never coming to me for help with the kids or asking for advice. Frankie, I was a monster. I still am sometimes. I'm trying to change that but it's conditioned into me to be that way. I mean you used to tell me I was no different than the country club wives. The very women you hated. The women who would look down their nose at you and I was just like them because I wanted to be apart of that life. I thought that was where I belonged. I was raised to be an emotionless woman who didn't care for anyone unless I needed to fill tha part._

_I was raised to not do or say certain things. I was raised to act a certain way and carry myself a certain way. That's why I was always so hard on you. You were everything I was told not to be. You scared me Frankie. You still scare me. With Robert it was easy to put on the mask and be emotionless. With you it wasn't. You remember that say yes night? God, that was so much fun. I wish we had made that a weekly thing. I mean that. I had so much fun dancing on that bar with you. Watching you smile and laugh. You have no idea how many times I thought about that night over the years. How I wanted to go back to that night and do it all over again. That's the person I want to be. That's the version of me I want the world to see. The person not afraid to do crazy things. You brought that person out in me. So, I miss that too. I miss the person I was with you._

_When we moved in together, I thought for sure I'd go crazy and maybe I did. Maybe that's why I'm writing this letter. Maybe I've lost my mind and that wouldn't be too far fetched right now. Because without you here I feel like, I feel like I've lost a part of myself. A really big part of myself. My whole heart actually. You have that piece of me now. You have for so long actually. The day we went back to that horrible house to get Sol his things. You asked me what I wanted and the only thing I could think of was you. Maybe even before then, watching you marry our ex husbands all I could do was watch you and I just wanted to take all your pain away and make it all okay for you. Then I got really scared becasue I was raised not to be like that. I was told over and over that, being like that would be a sin God would never forgive. I think that's why I never really got along with him, why would he make me this way if he didn't love me? Why would he be happy if I were with a man that didn't love me and I didn't love back?_

_I didn't love Robert, not the way I should have atleast. It was normal and safe. I didn't love Guy who was really a great man but it wasn't there. I didn't love Phil. I wanted him to make me normal again. I thought it would help to take away the other feelings I had. I'm sorry I took my shame out on you. That I let my guilt hurt you. I really hate myself for that and I always will. I can't really recall loving anyone before either. It was just something I felt I had to do, something I needed to do to be normal._

_I would have been content to die normal. To let that person you saw under all my bullshit die without every letting her breathe. The person sitting here holding this pen and writing these words would have died and you would have never known her. I would have never known her. I would have never really known you. I would have never known what it was like to feel so alive and I owe you so much for that. Even with my missing heart I owe you a thank you. You saw her and you saved me. You loved me when I didn't and couldn't love myself. You reached your hand out and showed me a life I could live and a love like I had never known. So maybe it was ineviatable for me that day, in that prison I used to live in, to wake up and realize I had been blind for so long._

_Frankie, I am in love with you and I have been for so long. So long that maybe I have always loved you. It makes sense because even when I said I hated you I never really meant it. All those times I was mean and spitful, I hated myself for being so cruel to you. Because when I was with you everything felt so right. Everything was perfect and I took that for granted. I took that time and all those moments with you and wasted them and the second you'd leave, I missed you. It seems like all I have done is love you and miss you. All I do now is love and miss you. All day, every day. I wanted to tell you, God it was right there and I couldn't say it. I couldn't see you not love me. I couldn't hear you tell me no because I have loved you for so long and watching you love Sol and then Jacob it hurt, god it hurt so much. I didn't think you would leave, I really didn't. I thought you would stay and now that you're gone all I want is that chance back to tell you that I love you, that I'm in love with you. I love you with all of that heart that you hold in your hands. And now I don't what to do with myself because you're every where in this house and even in my bed. God, Frankie it's like I can still feel you next to me. I watched you sleep that night. Did you know that? I couldn't sleep because you were so close and all I could do was watch you and think, this is what I want for the rest of my life. Every wish that followed was for you to fall in love with me. Every dream was for you to be in love with me. Every day I prayed that somehow, someway it would happen. That you would wake up in love with me so I could shout it from the rooftops that I'm in love with you too. I was such a coward and even now I'm a coward because I'm too afraid that you don't love me back. Afraid that this is too much and that I've lost you for good now. So afraid of never hearing your voice again or seeing you when you come back to visit. I almost lost you once and even then I couldn't say it but now if something should happen, I don't want to live with that regret._

_Even if you don't feel the same way, now you know. If I never see or hear from you again atleast that will be one less thing I regret. I have a life of regrets, Frankie but not telling you is number one on that very long list._

_I am in love with you._

_I always have been and I always will be._

_I promise_

_Grace_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brianna watched in amazement as Frankie sets the table and placed candles every where. She smiles unable to really comperhend what will be happening in a few hours. It wasn't lost on her or Mallory that their mother had not been herself since Frankie left but now it seemed to all come together. Watching Frankie make everything perfect for the night, she knew that she was watching a woman in love. Mallory had offered to take their mom shopping so she would be gone for the day. Frankie's list was fairly simple since most of the stuff was still packed away in the studio. She thinks back to that moment they opened the door. Nothing had been moved or changed. Grace had left everything right where Frankie left it. Frankie seemed to smile at it all, she shighed sweetly and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I really want to thank you for helping me Brianna." Frankie's voice pulled her from her thoughts. "I hope she likes it." Frankie's voice seemed to crack as she scanned the room.

"She's going to love it." Brianna can't even think of something sarcastic to say. She knows how important this is to Frankie. "So will I be calling you Mom after tonight?" Brianna smiles as she watches Frankie's cheeks darken a little.

"If she doesn't mind." Frankie's voice is just a whisper in the room and Brianna can't help but chuckle at her words.

"Must have been one hell of a letter." Brianna shoots back quickly trying to make Frankie laugh and it seems to hit the right mark.

"It was. Believe me." Frankie smiles as she pats her pocket.

"Will this change me and you?" Brianna asks hesitatnly as Frankie gives her a quick smile.

"Not one bit. I love the woman but you and I both know how hard headed she is. I'll have to vent somewhere." Frankie's smirk reassures everything Brianna had been worrying about since last night and the brief conversation they had about why she was at her apartment and not the beach house.

Finishing up and helping Frankie get ready she leaves the house after sending a Mallory a quick text letting her know that they are good to go. She smiles to herself at the thought that maybe things had worked out just they way they were intended to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Brianna:** Everything is a go and it's sickening how romantic everything looks.

**Mal:** We are almost done. I can't wait! SO excited for them!!!

**Brianna:** I am seriously going to need years and yes I mean YEARS of therapy because of this.

**Mal:** Be happy for them. Mom looks miserable and she's barely touched the martini she ordered when we got here.

**Brianna:** You know it's bad when Grace Hanson doesn't drink. Yay for us!!! We have two mommies to match our two daddies!!!!

**Mal:** Oh that's really weird.

**Brianna:** I'll make sure we have the same therapist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grace shifted her car into park and a sigh of relief crossed her lips as she turned the car off. She had made it through a whole day with Mallory. Shopping and talking, mostly about Mitch, the divorce, and the kids. Grace felt a bit of relief that Frankie had only been brought up once and even then it was just to ask if they had talked. Grace sat there for a moment as staring at the house through the car windshield. No phone calls, texts, emails, or letters. Nothing for two weeks. Even before she got the bright idea to write and confess herself to Frankie, she would atleast get an email. Now the silence seemed to speak for itself. Grace could no longer tell if the ball of nerves in her stomach was from relief or regret anymore and now that two weeks had passed, she no longer tried to differentiate the two. She made a promise to herself to deal with the consequences her letter may bring, better or worse, she couldn't carry that weight around anymore.

Shutting the front door behind her she stopped and scanned through the stack of mail. Not hesitant like she had been a week ago. If there was going to be a letter it would have come by now, she's sure of that. As sure as she is that there is music playing in the living room. _Music?_ She takes a step as the song plays out. She steps around the corner and the room is lite up with the soft glow of maybe a hundred candles. She pauses for a moment thinking, if Nick pops out from somewhere she may just hit the man.

_I miss you, I need you, I want you to touch me. We don't have to speak, let our bodies do the talking._

She comes into view of the patio and sees the table set, candle flames fickering in the breeze, two plates, two glasses, a bottle of champagne chilling. She sighs trying to think what she was going to say to this man for him to get the fucking clue. She shakes her head as the shadow steps into the light. She can feel that ball in her stomach tighten. Her eyes may be playing a trick on her at this very moment but she doesn't care because before her is the only person that matters to her. Frankie, dressed in a blue flowing dress, her hair pinned back, her eyes fixed back on Grace and she's smiling.

She feels the flood gates fail her and her body trembles as her tears flow. She can't move or speak. She's just shivering in the spot she seems to be anchored to. Her chest heaving as Frankie just stares back at her. Not saying anything and now she sees the tears in Frankie's eyes and words fail her, her lungs seem to be struggling with the concept that they do in fact need air. Frankie brings her hands from around her back and she is able to register the folded paper in her hands, her letter.

She wants to say something, anything but her voice isn't there. Grace stands before Frankie and for the first time in ever, she is speechless. She just wants to stand here, tears rolling down her face unable to stop them, and just stare a Frankie. Never wanting to forget this very moment.

"I've read this a few thousand times and you're right I did see through all your bullshit but it doesn't change the fact that I needed to hear this." She watches in disbelief as Frankie takes a few steps closer, their eyes not breaking even though, through the tears she can barely see. "Not being normal is something to be celebrated, Grace. I haven't been normal for a very long time. In fact I haven't been normal since I laid eyes on you. Since that first time you looked at me I knew I never wanted to be normal another day of my life." Grace can feel her tears flowing harder now. She can register what Frankie is saying but somehow her brain isn't keeping up. Her voice still lost to her as she watches Frankie move even closer. " I thought I knew what love was Grace. I really did. I thought I found it in a marriage, in a farmer, but the whole time the only person I ever felt that kind of, fuck your whole life up in the most amazing way possible kind of love was with you. It's always been you Grace. Every single time you smiled at me, I felt this pull. Every time you looked at me, I wanted more. Every touch, burned into my memory. I just needed to hear it." Grace takes in a sharp deep breath as Frankie comes to her. Wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her close. Grace can't breath now, even though she feels her lungs rising and falling it seems no air is finding it's way in. The smell of tea tree oil and lavender fills her nose. Frankie's dark eyes hold hers and she feels the touch of Frankie's hands on her back burning into her skin. "Grace, tell me." Frankie is so close, her breath searing her skin. Frankie's eyes staring back into her, gazing at the person she has always been. The person set free by Frankie.

"I..." Her voice falters as she her hands somehow find their way to Frankie's shoulders. "I love you." Her words float away and it's just them. Just her and Frankie in their home. Not caring about the world around them. Lost in Frankie's arms and eyes, Grace moves closer, closing the gap between them. Her hands now resting just under Frankie's collarbone, her fingers tracing the arch of the bones under fabric and skin. Frankie pulls her closer, and the feel of her fingers running up her spine, filling her body with every mind numbing sensation she has only briefly experienced those few fleeting times they had touched. The hugs she fought to keep herself at a safe distance from because being in Frankie's arms felt safe and warm around her. Her fingers trace the curve up Frankie's neck and over her jawline, and into the long silver brown locks she never thought she'd touch again. Their bodies press closer, Grace can feel the contact of Frankie all through her. Every nerve in her body is alive and humming at the heat coming from Frankie. 

"I love you. I need you, and I want you. Every day, every night." Frankie's words melt into her, become apart of her. Lasting and true, never to be forgotten. Their lips meet and Grace feels her knees buckle under her. Everything she has searched for is found in the lips kissing her back. Her doubts and fears washed away as their kiss deepens. Frankie's tongue finding it's home in her mouth and it's the way she always imagined it. Soft and hot as her tongue dances with Frankie's. Frankie's hands easing under the hem of her shirt finding her skin, setting her whole body on fire.

Gasping as they part, Frankie's fingers drawing delicate but deliberate patterns on her skin makes her dizzy with delight. Her tears have yet to stop but she smiles for the first time since Frankie left weeks ago. Slowly she brings her lips back to the mouth awaiting her. She can do this, she can kiss her anytime she wants to. All day if she wants, every second, and she swears to herself to kiss these lips every chance she gets. A first it's just soft light kisses, but something in the air around them has changed and with the last kiss Frankie catches her bottom lip. Grace feels her body come alive with wanting and needing Frankie and in return Frankie seems to need and want just as much. Her hands pull at neck of Frankie's dress as her fingers trace over the skin underneath. Her body needs more, she needs more of Frankie now than she thought she would. "Frankie. I need..." Her words ease across her lips drenched in desire as she opens her eyes slowly to watch Frankie register the need in her voice. Frankie pulls away long enough to blow out the candles and shut the doors, she waits, patiently waits for what she's been longing for. Something she can now admit that she has always wanted. Since that first time they met and she caught a brief glimpse a what she could have had then. Her mouth and hands on skin that would no longer be hidden to her now.

Turning the music up a little and coming to her Frankie stretches her hand out and without any hesitation she takes her hand and Frankie leads her to the stairs. The music echoes in the bedroom as Frankie lays her down. Skin on skin, Grace lets the moan come out slow as Frankie's lips set her whole body on fire again and again. Each touch a promise. Each kiss a declaration of devotion. Each moan and sigh an I love you that doesn't need to be spoke. Grace stills herself as her fingers explore the depths of Frankie and with eyes wide open she watches Frankie above her. Her hair creating a canopy keeping out the rest of the world. She watches as Frankie watches her. Their eyes locked as she pushes deeper feeling the wet warmth of Frankie pulse around her fingers with each movement. Lost in the way it feels to be in Frankie, her breath shudders from her as Frankie pushes deep into her.

"Fuck, Grace. you're so wet."

"So are you. So wet and hot." Grace can barely believe she just admitted her thoughts.

"Goddess, so are you Grace. I'm so close. Can you feel it?" Frankie's words make her all more aware at the way her fingers are being clinched.

"Yes, oh god, Frankie, I want to feel you come." Her own body seems to be just as close as her own words causes her hips to jerk closer to the contact of Frankie's hand.

As if on demand Frankie cries out, her body stiffens and trembles. Her mouth crashing upon hers. Frankie's tongue licks at her mouth as Grace can no longer fight it. Her legs wrap around Frankie's thighs and with her fingers still deep in Frankie, she comes hard. Frankie's moans mix with hers and rides the wave of pleasure burning through her body. It's nothing like she imagined, it's more. Powerful, overwhelming and healing in a way she never thought possible. She brings their lips back together and moans into Frankie as the last wave leaves her breathless. Her body spent but still burning with desire for the woman above her. Frankie melts into her, all her weight sinking her deeper into the bed. She wraps her arms around her as she tries to pace her breathing. Holding her close running her fingers over the bare skin under her fingers, drunk on Frankie and this moment. Closing her eyes she takes in a deep breath, that warm familiar smell of Frankie filling her every sense. This moment is all she has ever wanted. Frankie in her arms, in a bed they share, knowing that tomorrow she will wake up tangled around her dream come true.


End file.
